Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Dear Diary #13

Dear Diary,

Been delaying this, I really don't feel like blogging much this month... 

Even the stuff from Italy, after the first ecstatic feeling wore off, it turned out to be just some gold plated stuff when it's just normal cheap iron under it. Lol. Ranting here. Sigh..

Then my great idea of being first-time reseller or helping out for anyone who would like to have the lipstick. Not a good idea now because it's been delaying so long until myself just want it to be over. Feels damn bitter to owe people the stuff and I can't do anything to make it reach here faster. 

I am never going to help people buy stuff again.

Unless it's my super best friend. 

Well, maybe I won't buy as per instructions. Instead, I'll most likely get a surprise gift for her. Because it's easier when I choose the gift myself.

Dear Diary,

I really can't work with negative or pessimistic people. He isn't really but so much responsibility while others give more shit into his plate. Suddenly, he becomes bitter and I myself feel like stepping on glass shards. So small until I don't know which place is safe. It makes me so stressful as I always have to predict whatever mood he is in.

So when I do get my own time, I make full use of it by watching dramas or playing games. The dramas are the best as I can totally zone out, ignoring my surroundings and just laugh, cry or get angry at the characters.

But even this precious limited time is rare. I get interrupted and I dislike it. But if I show how annoyed or irritated I am at my precious time being disturbed, I got lashed back as not being caring. It irks me to no end!

I miss being single for this. Or staying alone.

Sigh.

As much as I like being loving or being caring or showing I care, I still need my own space. My energy is just getting tired now. And when so few understands this side of me, majority would just think that I don't care about them at all because I don't give them attention.

No. I do care. But not when I am already tired facing shitty stuff. I need to rest lah. Forever having to put my caring side on, is just plain sapping my energy.

Just leave me alone..

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