Dear Diary #8

10:59 AM

Dear Diary,

Last I left you, I was expecting quite a few stuff. I got my name card already, I even gave it out in its first event, the Canon EOS M10 X Rilakkuma event. I felt a proud moment when I dropped that card into their lucky draw box. Lol. Nope, didn't manage to get lucky. #toughluck #seldomluckyinluckydraw

Will show my blog card later. Promise? ....hopefully I get around to doing that.

I didn't claim my prize from the magazine. Damn lazy to do it so yeah.

Anyway, May ended peaceful enough. The usual drama I think but of course it pales in comparison to the earlier months. And yes, don't think I can ever completely get over it. Alternate course of action for me is just to think it as a horrible piece of joke. You know, that joke that another person think is harmless but to you, it struck a nerve, pain nerve.

Meanwhile June is erm happening. There's the company audit, twins birthday (nothing special since this time I really can't think of anything to give plus my idea of Sunway Lagoon.... Too busy for it. Or secretly it was only me that wanted to go.), another shit drama and oh my grandmother passed away. I actually have 4 sets of grandparents, which uniquely happens since both my parents are adopted.

Honestly the shit drama tired me out until I really wanted out from the relationship. Because it felt like my feelings don't matter, that I'm insecure ever since the shits started, that I get irritated by incoming notifications even if it's just maybe a new Instagram post, that I'm afraid of being the one left behind, that I'm becoming into some paranoid girlfriend.

I don't know how my trust depleted so much. Either I had idolized too much so when shit happened, my disappointment was magnified? Because I thought nothing would go wrong, everything was perfect? Then that perfect image crumbled down until the real hard truth remained? Something I couldn't really face or choose not to face?

But I still wanted to stay. Call me dumb or naive or just asking for pain. Wait, maybe it is dumb. I still don't know what's the real truth anyway so I'll just trust that cat loving side of him. Even if it's sometimes too much for me and I get jealous of cats. Sigh. Me competing with a cat. What luck..

Okay, personal feelings aside. I have a huge event on 16 July! A movie marathon! Detective Conan! And I bought twins seats and going alone. Lolol. Didn't plan on that but why not, I can enjoy the movie whichever sitting position I can. Lol. Still feeling sad that Ilah can't join me since she won't be back yet. And boyfriend isn't interested to watch. No matter, I'll enjoy myself on that day.

Talking of Ilah, next month is our party! We, erm, actually I kinda persuade her to join me, are going to Langkawi next month. And no plans yet! Woohoo! Us two going but nothing planned. Lol. 3 days 2 nights by the beach, talking away about our dreams, fears. Been a long time since we had a long sharing session. Anyway, it's between Ilah and I so no why-am-I-not-invited shit. I don't make noise about yours so fuck off my plans. I chose to spend time with her, her only since she's, well, kinda my special best friend. Plus she's adorably cute and I hate guys making her sad. Curse to hell, all of them.

Anything else? I think that's all for now. Actually I'm supposed to have some posts but can't bother to do it because my back hurts from slouching in front of Stitchy. Plus just a few hours and I need to plug in the life support. Lol.

Til next time, Dear Diary. Hope I have happier stuff this month and next month. I mean, to keep my mind off from being depressed.

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