Movie Review: Into the Woods

7:30 AM

Hi!

My first movie review in 2015. Lol.

But of all movies, it had to be this one... Wtf. I think that I shouldn't have watched. I did expect how horrible it was but after watching.. Dei, what crappy movie is this!

I digress.

Let me review as unbiased as possible.


I think the movie started with the Red Riding Hood girl.

Anyway, there were characters of Cinderella, Jack (from Jack and the Beanstalk), the Wolf, Rapunzel (later realized it's more to Tangled, believe me, it was Wtf), the Witch (actually the daughter to the witch from Rapunzel... because in the movie definitely mentioned from her mother's curse), and suddenly a Baker and his wife.

When the movie introduced the Baker and his wife, childless because of a curse, I did felt, 'Okay, let's just give this movie a chance.'

I regretted even thinking that.

The dumbest thing that started me into thinking oh crap, what movie is this when every character somehow want to go into the woods, hence the name of the movie.

Jack wants to sell the cow? Go into the woods.

Okay, maybe the woods were on the path to a market.

Cinderella had her mother's grave in the woods so she rushed into the woods to tell her dead mother that she wanted to go to the dance.

Oh the dance decided to go on for three days.

The Baker needed to get a cow as white as milk, hair as yellow as corn, a red riding hood and a gold slipper/shoe. Somehow along what the witch said, I can't remember exactly.

So the baker met red riding hood first and tried to steal her red hood but she screamed. Bloody screamed until he turned back to return it to her. Then she got swollen up by the wolf. The baker happened to come to that grandmother's house and saved them from the wolf's stomach. 

This part I had to roll up my eyes in disbelief. Wtf. You get swollen up by a wolf and suddenly you have seen the world. Bravo! 

Anyway, she gave her red hood to the baker and her grandmother skinned the wolf to replace the hood.

Baker met his wife and Jack came. Got the cow in exchange for the magical beans. Bla bla.

Too many craps to tell you all. Let me skip to where the movie should end with Happily Ever After.

But it didn't.

Instead, the giant's wife came down to squash Jack for making her giant husband fell down and killed him. The woods became a dangerous place.

And also became the stupidest scene for all things crap.

Suddenly the prince who married Cinderella started kissing the baker's wife in the woods.

Yup, that was bullshit max. The prince said he liked brave women so he started kissing her. 

Gross max! Then the baker's wife, who already has a baby at last (ugh remembering how her belly suddenly swollen up with a baby... >_<), sang about how an affair is okay.

Crap, really crap.

Baker's wife fell down a cliff, died and the baker decided to kill the she-giant with the girl from red riding hood and Jack (Jack's mother died, the girl's home destroyed and grandmother dead) and Cinderella who found out the prince cheated on her (they broke up, with the prince giving the lamest excuse possible!).

The ending is the most horrible, I dare you to watch and not feel cheated of your movie ticket.

Yes, I feel that I could have watched a better movie than this. Lol. But honestly, I knew it was bad, just didn't expect it was that horrible, crappy shit. Lol.

With all the singing and plots that looked half-ass, please skip this movie.

Even if you see Johnny Depp, believe me, he only appeared for 20 minutes at most. 

Bye!
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