8:36 PM

Friend+Enemy= Frenemy

Okay, why the title as such. Since I'm still thinking about another post, whether it is appropriate to publish, I'll tell this one first.

You all know the part about friends and enemies. And of course, we all would rather like more friends than enemies. Friends support us, are there for us most of the times, ready to lend a hand and help us stand up again. Enemies? They're there to torture us, for us to be made to feel puny and insignificant. So, we all go for friends.

First of, this post may hurt some of my friends out there but hear me out first before you go and de-friend me on Facebook. Wait, I don't care either if you do that. It's your choice.

Due to my Dad's choice of career, we had to move here and there. I never got used to making new friends, only to say goodbye to them again some years later. Back then, I don't have a cell phone, much less an internet connection. Friends during my kindergarten years are mostly forgotten by now. I don't know if I had enemies either that time. 

ps: Are kids 6 years old able to start hating some other kids anyway?

Well, we kinda finally settled in Bintulu. It's like an oil town but unlike Miri, not many shopping complexes. Still developing here and there. The airport's great now but quite far from the town.

I entered kindergarten and primary years there. Sadly, I had to move again during Primary 5. Next destination: Mukah. It's like a fishing village. Quite small but friendly atmosphere, seriously.

And again, I had to start over again with Friends.

Finished Primary 6 there and went into Secondary 1. Moved back to Bintulu then.

By the time I got back to Bintulu, my friends before were different. And I changed too. We did met, during a joint sports event. But we felt funny. The connection we had was no longer there. 

ps: It didn't help that she had her other friend nearby. That other friend which is no friend of mine just add to the tension then.

We never met again after the sports event.

I continued my life. It was lonely at first during the first few months of Secondary 1. I sat at the back and alone. Believe me, never enter a class when it's already past half a month. Everybody's taken. There's no lonely soul for me to go up to, to make friends with. I tried to talk a little bit with them. But it was hard feeling new in a class where they had already got used to each other. I was a loner back then.

ps: I was caught talking to myself. O.O So, some of them thought I was crazy.

Gradually I made myself talk to people. If they're afraid of talking to me, then I'll talk first. It worked little but I made a few friends. I liked the quiet types most because sometimes I needed a moment by myself. Sometimes I got along with the noisy types when I wanted to be noisy myself. Still, there was never one that I could really call my best friend.

After Form 5, I went for PLKN. Here was the same problem again, making friends. At first, I went with this group of people but I felt I didn't belong. They were thinking differently from me and they made me felt small. So, I searched again and made friends with other people and this group somehow, I felt I belong. 

Sadly, after PLKN was over, we lost contact.

ps: Keeping in touch is harder than being said.

Now I'm in Universiti Malaya. And the journey of making friends continued. Of the friends I have now, I don't think they really understand who I really am. I find myself thinking, if it is this hard making friends, is making enemies any easier? I don't even know if I have enemies. But I think I might have displeased some people, unknowingly and unintentionally. 

If any of my friends are reading this, apologies in advance. 

I try to make friends. I end up becoming annoying to them. I end up abandoning them. It's my character, my dreadful character. For me, a friend is someone who knows what pleases me and what displeases me. Not many of you know what those things are. They may be things, stuff. Or they may be actions, behaviours. 

I am who I am. Mostly I prefer standing alone and enjoy the night wind myself.

And sometimes, I need another soul with me, to share the wind.

To be the mast in my friend ship.

ps: And I found that soul, the most perfect mast for my ship. Only, the ship is not friend ship. It's my relation ship. I found my special soul. My one and only, Teddy. Thank you. I'll never feel alone now, never ever.

I'll publish the other post, hopefully on Friday. Why Friday? Because I say so. hahahaha >.<


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3 reads

  1. whoa it's quite depressing reading your journey of frienship. but im glad that it ends up well. who's that teddy? heheheh.

  2. heheheh...shhh..secret...i'll tell in 4years later..he3... <3 thanks, mag!

  3. ha3...about that, maybe but not yet 100% confirm...maybe 1year after graduate. i graduate 4years later.. :)


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